The Future....

So I've been thinking a lot about my future.... what I'm doing after I graduate and suchness... Here's what I've got so far

College- I'm going

Major- Nursing!=D

Where- Not sure yet=/

But as with the rest of life I can't just leave diabetes out of my decision.... because that would be un smart (is that a word?) so today my mom and I are visiting a college that I really like, but it's five hours away. That would mean really doing all this stuff on my own, not leaning on my mom. I know I can do it, honestly I'm doing it already, but while the idea of being on my own excites me, it also terrifies me=(

Skimming

Sorry it's been so long since I lasted posted ! a quick recap of my life....

•  I went on my first date! (people where I live/ my church/ home school realm date with the intent of finding a spouse so no ones dating in fourth grade;-)
• I tried a new meter=O the Verio IQ (but more about that later)
•  and I've been caught up in the full swing of college hunting! One of the colleges has even offered me the chance at a 2,000 $ scholarship so next week I have to go 5 hours away for two interviews! but more on that in another post... possibly called the pump in the pencil skirt...
• I GOT MY LICENSE!!!!!! and a post about driving with diabetes will be coming soon to your neighborhood;-)

So anyway, onto this post... Skimming. I've sort of been guilty of a little skimming lately, more like a lot=( I've been doing what I need to stay safe, testing before driving and sleeping and bolusing for the food I eat... but I haven't done any more.... I don't always respond to me sensor alarms, I don't always check before I eat... and I forget to bolus until half an hour after I eat a lot.

I think I've just gotten lazy, but I don't really have the energy or desire to start logging and reviewing logs and adjusting..... I'm just not feeling it=/
This is why I'm so excited for the Verio IQ! A. because new tools always make work more fun and can really help you get a fresh start and B. because the Verio is so dang cool!

 Okay, this is the Verio next to my dex, ( and there matching!) just to give you an idea of how small it is!

 this is the screen that come on when you put in a test strip (thats right no stupid pointless coding screen!)

And this is the light that helps you see your fingers when you test,
(and my dogs butt) it comes on when there is a test strip in so you don't have to turn it on your self and it's very bright

So I really loved the Verio for the three days I tried it, and in the end I decided to go with the Verio (I'm just waiting on insurance and suchness now) here are my reasons for switching from the one touch ping meter remote to the Verio IQ

• Size, the Verio IQ is SUPER tiny! much much tinyer than my meter remote=) it is closer to the size of an ipod nano.
• Speed, this is probably the biggest one=) the Verio IQ is fast, it doesn't take long for each screen to load, and it only takes 5 seconds to show you the reading (yeah I know that's the same as every other meter but I needed to pad that sentence!) Honestly it took ten second less time for me to check with the verio and dial up the bg and correct than to go through the meter remote
• Brightness, I'm blind... and I can't see my meter screen unless the back light is on... the Verio's back light comes on when the meter does. and it's very bright
• blood, the verio takes notably less blood than the ping
• and PATTERN ALERT TECHNOLOGY this is the coolest thing yet, your meter not only keeps a history of your bgs on your meter it scans them to find patterns! and if it catches one then it alerts you and shows you the numbers that are running high/low 

So that's my life... hope it helped=)

Sad post =(

Today, I went to a funeral.... for a 19 year old boy who I went to home school coop with... he OD'ed on drugs last week. He went to bed and when his mom went in to wake him up the next morning he was gone=(

Honestly so many things are running through my head, I knew this boy... not well but still, I knew him, he was my age...

One thing that stuck out to me is how he was found, because I know in my heart that this is a risk for me as well (not ODing) but simply 'not waking up'. it made me think of just one more way my life (and anyone with type one) is so different from other peoples. I'm not trying to be morbid, but in all honesty, I know its a possibility, none of us are promised tomorrow, and peeps with t1d have one more reason to keep short accounts.

I can't ignore my mom, when she calls me in the morning...

Because when she says 'are you getting up?'

she's really saying, 'are you alive?'

I can hear it in her voice...

I can't just pretend,

that I didn't hear her,

because it breaks my heart

everytime

she thinks, for that

split second,

that I'll never wake up

again.

Diabetic funnies

I participate actively on the CWD forums, and someone started a post of funny stories about diabetes, which made me realize how many stories I have. So here are the ones I thought of, comment and share your own!

First time my mom went away after dx (for 2 weeks=O) we were at church and my dad asked (from across the hallway) Jess were you high again this morning? I nearly died when the assistant pastor turned around and was like "What?"

My younger sister saw me reading the T-slim brochure and told me I was cheating on my pump;-) she was like 'what is his name?' 'steve' 'you're cheating on melmin!' 'Kate, melmin will always be in my heart...' 'yeah but steve will be in your pocket!'

first time I went low (at 3am) my dad was still half asleep and started to leave my room to get me juice, but he didn't see the cork board I had across the doorway to keep the dog out and ran right into it.... then chucked it across the hall and broke it in half=O you might say he had been a bit stress (it was two days after we got home)

Once my dad came and checked me at 2am and he thought I was awake but I was just sleep testing... when he left the room he said he'f be back in a few hours and I yelled "I'm locking my door!" luckily my door doesn't have a lock.... I still don't remember it!

My mom asks me every night "So whats your plan?" one time I told her that I planned to finish high school and go to college for nursing... then find prince charming and settle down;-)

one of the few times lows have messed with my brain (and I lost time) I stole my younger sisters cell phone and told a boy who was dating our friend that I was going to find him and string him up by his toes...

when I was in the hospital for dx a nurse came in all cheery and said "You can do anything even with diabetes... except fly a commercial plane and serve in the army." I looked at her deadpan and said "You just crushed my dreams." (she didn't) I think she almost cried!

When they were teaching my parents how to use the glucagon (As I just watched sort of creeped out) my dad was playing with the one they had shown them (it didn't have a needle) and he pretended to stab my mom in the leg. He scared her so bad she was across the room in like a second and wouldn't come back for a minute!

My friends find test strips (used) at their house and save them for weeks so they can give them back when I come over again.

A little boy I babysat saw my pump and asked what it was... I told him it was a battery pack and that I was really a robot... he believed me!

I finally got sick of people asking me if I could eat stuff and just said "nope" and kept on eating, the poor girl thought I was going to die! (but hey, she also thought that diabetes was a problem with your heart....)

ANd the best one ever....

I was at church, and a big joke with my friends is that people ask if I can eat things 'in my condition' like I'm pregnant or something... so one time a man I barley know came into the church kitchen and was like ' young lady I don't think that's on your diet!' and my friend stood up and yelled 'THE BABY IS FINE OKAY?' we nearly died and he hasn't spoken to me since!

letting your guard down

Don't do it....

We as type one diabetics can never truly let our guard down... as sad as that is, it's life. I was reminded of this last night at about 1am....

I don't test at night much anymore... I guess I've just gotten cockey, I wear a dexcom... I hear it when it starts vibrating... I havent had a creepy stalker low in months... why should I check at night. (Duh, cause you never know whats going to happen!) Last night I had my mom come wake me up to test at 1am cause I was 342 (uggg) when I went to bed...and I really didn't want to be that high all night.

Well at 1am I was 80... no big deal right? I almost told my mom we could go back to sleep because I'd eaten and I was sure I'd come up after eating the better half of a banana... thank God I didn't because I was in the fifties five minutes later (do the math... that's crazy dropping!)

Well long story short, I didn't get back to sleep until 2am..=( and then I went up to 250+ and dropped back down to 110, then woke up at 196.... what a night!

So the moral of the story is, we can't take a break, we can't have the night off, we can't let our guard down... and maybe that scares me, but going to bed at night and not waking up scares me more.

Stress

Stress is a pain in the butt, but adding diabetes into the equation of life makes it just a little bit harder (or a lot harder) So when two weeks ago I had foot surgery to have a benign soft tissue mass removed (Gross=O) it put my body under some stress... then when a week later when we found out that it should have closed up... but didn't, it put my mind under some stress=( Then when they called and told my mama that I had a staff infection in the wound.... yeah I was pretty freaked out=(

Now I have a cold... and last night (into this morning) I've had two bad sets in a row (One that actually alarmed at me... which like never happens)

So in the past two weeks, I've had almost constant highs... (yeah that's great for the stupid foots healing process) and have gotten up a minimum of four times every night chasing dexcom alarms.....

I'm tired... and stressed... and sick... and worried.....

But I'm not stopping, as diabetics giving up isn't an option... and while that makes us very strong people, it also makes us sad some times, and frustrated, and tired, and angry. I can't tell you how to fix it... I don't have the recipe for emotional success... just a three step process that keeps my head from falling off.

#1. Put in head phones with really great songs (Ingrid Michelson... Jack Johnson... Needtobreathe)

#2. Block out the world (How every I can... shopping at target... writing... what ever works)

#3. Pour my heart out to God.... because when you get to that place where you're to tired to breathe, and you feel like you can't go on, their arn't words to describe how you feel, how much you hurt, and what you want. But God can read my heart, I can close my eyes and just curl up next to Him in a strong tower...

Sure, when I open my eyes, my bg may still be high, and I'll still be tired and sick... but I won't be alone, I'll have a friend by my side who knows how I'm feeling even when I don't.

Hello DOC=)

Hello Diabetes community, my name is Jess and I'm 17, I've been a type one diabetic for two and a half years and a blogger for almost that long=)

You might be wondering why I started this blog... well I started the Blog Faith injected a while ago but most of my readers were friends and family who were not diabetes people;-) and honestly I felt I couldn't be honest because many of the people reading what I wrote didn't really understand diabetes and I was worried about getting judged.

So anyway... hopefully I'll feel better about blogging here, and won't get harassed by people who just don't understand what we (PWD's) go through everyday.